Three Rounds Till Nothing
by Nakimochiku
Summary: he lived up to living down. he was a failure and he accepted it. HichixIchi, Hichi's POV, AU, mentions of alcohol, abuse and prostitution.
1. Chapter 1

THE THINGS WE HOLD IN INTEREST

_hee! Enjoy!_

I have always seemed like something less than human. I lived up to living down. And I didn't mind. I had a small business within my high school. Beat anyone, as long as I was payed to. I was a coward's calvary. But I was far from a savior.

If anything, I was the one who needed saving.

Before I beat anyone, or save anyone else from a beating, I study my target. That Friday, I had been asked to take my gang and harass some kid named Ichigo.

I'd heard his name before, but I've never seen him. I knew he had orange hair, and that alone was enough to allow me to pick him out of the crowd. But who was I to talk? I'd had a birth defect when I was first born, the result was having oddly colored eyes and white hair.

When I did see Ichigo for the first time, my eyes had dropped from his hair, which was shocking enough, to his beautiful body, those soft pink lips. Damn. Just the thought of fucking him made me hard. Not that I would ever get to, as much as that irritated me. I had one job. And money was money. It's not like I would ever do anything better with my life.

But for once, I decided to do something a little different than usual.

A couple girls near me giggled, loud enough for me to hear. "Uh-oh. Looks like Shiro's got a new target!" one quiet girl in the group shot me a glance. I think her name in Nemu. Rukia simply gave me a disgusted look, leading her posse from the door of the girl's bathroom. I headed upstairs, to the roof, where I knew Ichigo and his small group of friends hung out. I opened the door quietly, hearing laughter, but knowing none of the voices were his. He could be quiet, if he felt so inclined. And during recess was when he was quietest.

"And so I told the guy, what does it matter?! It's only one pot! He hit me, I flashed him the finger and told him to fuck a broom backwards!" everyone laughed as an energetic brown haired boy talked animatedly.

But Ichigo was farther away, reading a novel. His beautiful amber eyes roved back and forth, and skilled nimble hands flipped pages. He looked so interested in his book. And I needed to know everything about him. Maybe one day, if I ever decided to turn my life around, I could be an information specialist. Yea. That was a dream I'd had since I was a kid.

I sneak up to him. He stiffens a little when I stand beside him, so I can tell he knows I'm there. "Hey there. What'cha readin'?" I ask, sitting next to him. A couple of his friends stop talking and look at us, or me, to be specific. Ichigo holds up his book so I can see the cover. 'The life and times of a nullified God.' "Sounds controversial." that was probably the most intelligent sentence I'd ever said in my whole life.

And I'm not even being sarcastic.

Ichigo's eyes lit up, and he nodded, shocked that anyone else had the same opinion. "It is! Takahashi Akano is writing about Christianity and the views of the bible, saying that it's pointless. She provides good insight." he explains, his eyes trained on my face instead of his book. It makes me feel special. He doesn't even know me, but he gives me more time of day then his friends sitting so near to him.

"Sometimes I think people should leave their views on religion and culture alone. That's what starts wars." who am I trying to impress? Surely not Ichigo. But the red head smiled at me and nodded, silently urging me to go one. "When we think about it, all religions seem a little pointless. There's no point in singling one race out. Besides, things change, right?"

"Yea. One writer actually wrote a short reply to this. And he said 'religions is about believing in god. Buddha was a man. What does that say about buddhism?'" I nodded, as if I understood what he was saying, though I'd never prayed, never been religious.

"He has a point."

"But so does Takahashi Akano. But I don't know much about the history. I'm planning on borrowing the bible from the library so I can understand what exactly is going on." the bell rang, and Ichigo looked dejectedly at his book, pulling a flowery book mark from his back pocket. "Thanks for the conversation." Ichigo said with a wave.

I have never really been human. I live day to day, bloody my fist and pretend to give a fuck. But just then, I wanted to grab Ichigo and kiss him. I wanted him to stop looking at me like a friend and realize that there is nothing good about me. I'm just dirt.

Or so my mother tells me, everyday.

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that afternoon, before school closed I went to the library. I poured through the political and opinion section, until I found a title that interested me. 'Falls of stars, deaths of Angels.' seemed interesting, dark. I picked it up, not bothering to look at the back before I signed it out. I caught sight of Ichigo in the religious section. He was reaching for a book that was just beyond his reach.

What are fake friends for, other than to get each other's books? I went to him, pulling 'the holy bible' off the shelf and into his hands. He smiled at me. "Thanks...uh...?" I smirked.

"Shiro. I'm Shiro." he raised his eyebrow, glancing at my hair, as if to say 'I could have guessed that' he smiles coyly, and I simply smirk. "It's a nickname."

"Cool. I'm Ichigo." he turns back to the shelves, bending down a little to look for another book. I resist the temptation to touch the flesh that had just been revealed to me.

"I know." is all I say. "Bye." he waves distractedly over his shoulder. Back in his book world.

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"Where the hell have you been?!" Kaa-chan shouts at me. I dodge a beer bottle that's thrown at me. "Take out the bloody trash you fucking slut!" Kaa-chan is still in her works clothes, dragging deeply on a cigarette and downing a glass of vodka. I obediently take out the garbage, if only so I can escape them smell of smoke, alcohol, vomit and sex.

Maybe I'll go find a prostitute when Kaa-chan is safely passed out. Would relieve the tension. I mop up the floor of the kitchen. Then the bathroom. I clean the carpet of Kaa-chan's bedroom, and take soiled sheets from her bed, replacing them with new ones. I hear a crash downstairs.

Thank god, Kaa-chan must have had a lot to drink already, before I got home. I carry her up stairs, and put her in her pajamas, like the wonderful, useless, slutty good for nothing son that I am. Can't cook, can't clean. Nothing is ever to her liking.

Kaa-chan wasn't always like this. No. I can barely remember a dark face, the way the face smiled, and the way the eyes wrinkled. I can only barely remember the man my mother was in love with. Not my father. HELL NO! Not my father. Kaa-chan had forgotten about that good for nothing a long time ago.

Hey daddy! Look what I grew up to be!

But Tou-san was different. Tou-san made Kaa-chan smile. Made her laugh and blow raspberries on my stomach and kiss me all over the face. Made her cook dinner. And then, when she was feeling tired in a good way, Tou-san would put on music, and Kaa-chan would put on a pretty party dress. And we would all dance together until I fell asleep, pressed against my mother's warm bosom.

But who cares for memories? I'm too old for that now.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to go back in time and stop Tou-san from getting on that plane. I'd be lying if I said I wanted Kaa-chan to stop detroying herself, destroying me.

Good thing I'm such a wonderful liar.

OWARI

_alright. So what'dya think? Interesting enough. I know it might seem a lot like book of black walls, but it's not. It's a lot longer, more dramatic, more characters, and they don't fall in love that quick._


	2. Chapter 2

GUILT RIDDEN BY MIDNIGHT

_nyaoh... tired...two am..._

I walked through the grime covered alleys. I didn't really wanna be here. Didn't want sex tonight. Didn't want anything except maybe twelve pain relievers and a glass of vodka. And both were easy to obtain, considering where I lived.

I decided to step into the light flooded streets of the city. Couples were out enjoying games. A festival was coming up, so tourists were here and the people were out. I flirted with the idea of finding a drunk girl to take advantage of, but dismissed it.

I passed a small, rickety old booth wedged between two food booths. I would have passed it, had a not seen an orange head, bent over the books and comics that were being sold there. As I approached, I heard him muttering, half to the kind old vendor and half to himself.

"I know I have the rest I swear I do." he muttered repeatedly, counting his money, then counting again.

"Hey, Ichigo, what's up?" I ask. He grabs my interest. My idle suicidal thoughts (as stupid and pointless as they may be) are lost for the moment, my mind completely focused on him. He looked up at me, his face distressed.

"I know I counted out all the money I needed to pay for it." it being the purple covered book in his hand. "But I can't find the 200 yen extra that I need!" I thought for a second. Ichigo dug around his pockets, counting his change again. I pulled out my wallet and reach past Ichigo to drop 200 yen into the old vendor's hand.

"Wh- but..." Ichigo stammered. He looked at the book in his hand. Then at me. "Thanks..." I smiled at him, but I think that only made him more uncertain. "I'll pay you back, ok? Pick whatever you want." heh. How obvious Ichigo is. I knew he was going to do that.

Instead of denying his offer, I pointed at another booth further down. "How about we go check that out?" it turned out to be selling cinnamon buns. From the way Ichigo was eying the pastries down, I could tell he was happy I picked it out. I bought us some, he didn't seem to notice that I'd payed once again.

"Oh my god..." he whispered, simply enjoying the smell and warmth in his hands. He took a bite, forgetting about his fork and knife, because honestly, who eats those things like that? By the time we were done our sticky treats we were covered in sugar and crumbs. "You look like a clown." he laughed. I said nothing, simply wondering how he managed to get icing on the forehead. We made use of the tons of napkins given to us.

"I gotta run. Enjoy your book." he waved. He was already reading it.

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I snuck back into the house, listening intently for any sudden noise, any footsteps. 9 times out of 10, one of Kaa-chan's clients were over. And Kaa-chan was probably in bed, degrading herself even further.

But who was I to say anything?

I glanced at the clock. 9 PM. It was too early. Maybe I should just head back... "CUNT! Did I give you permission to go outside?! And you got your face covered in Sugar! Who the hell were you out with?! Some bitch?!" Kaa-chan was still drunk. She was on the stairs, I could see a figure behind her. So she did have a client.

I walked backwards slowly, hoping she wouldn't notice. She yelled, stumbled as she tried to run down the stairs. But I was already down the street.

Couldn't stay in there for long. I'd learned to leave when she had a client. She was never in a good mood.

At least not when she was around me. I was the embodiment of all her mistakes.

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I didn't stop running until I was four bocks away. I heard yelling, and perverted laughter. "Come on sweet thing. We'll give you a good time." that voice was yelling in pain minutes later. "You're going to pay for that."

I kept running. But lucky me, guess who I passed? Our favorite little strawberry of course!

And what are fake friends for, but to help each other fight?

Before I even thought about it, I turned sharply and kicked the guy in the stomach. I didn't stop kicking till he was out cold. I looked up, finding four other guys on the ground, and Ichigo giving a good beating to the last one.

"Thanks." he said breathlessly. I shrugged. I wanted to blow off some steam anyway. "We keep running into each other. Do you live around here or something?"

"Uh, yea. Four blocks down." Ichigo nodded. "Your fist is bloody, you should put something on it." I was about to walk away, looking for some one else to beat up, because adrenalin was pulsing through my veins, making my heart beat in my ears and my lungs swell in my throat.

"No wait. That was a really good kick. Where'd you learn it?" I found myself talking to Ichigo about my old tae kwon do lessons. I was following him home, and I didn't even notice. I'm getting to attached. Why should I be talking to him? He doesn't need to know me, I don't need to know him. Or maybe I do. Maybe I need something more than what I've got.

Maybe I need someone to tell me I'm not just dirt. I look over at Ichigo. He's chatting excitedly about a book he's writing. Of course he's writing a book. That's clearly something he would do.

"It's based a lot on greek mythology, because it has so much detail. That and my favorite god is Athena. To be the goddess of wisdom. I would love that..." he caught the look I gave him. "Except I would be a god. Of course." I just smirked, and he scowled, a blush dusting his cheeks. He looked so damn cute. I wanted to kiss him. Instead I flicked his forehead.

"I gotta go. It's time for work." ichigo nodded once.

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Work only meant serving drinks at a bar. Kaa-chan only worked enough to support herself. She just happened to let me live with her. Everything else was my responsibility. I had to cook, I had to clean, I had to work and shop and do everything else.

Really, I wondered why I tried. It was like...my last show of humanity or something. One day, I would leave that broken house. One day I would live on my own, and I would be free. One day, I'll do something with my life.

Or, maybe not.

"Shiro, baby, what's wrong?" one of my favorite whores, Ako , came up to me, draping an arm around my shoulders. "You look so said. Was Miho teasing you again?" she giggling, and I cracked a strained smile.

"Nah, I gotta get back to work." I gave her a tequila, holding out my hand for her to pay me. She stuck out her tongue with a smirk, dropping the money into my hand. I watched the door intently, and was shocked to see Rukia step through with her normal posse of girls. Rukia and the others went strait to the dance floor, but one girl broke away, and headed to the bar instead.

It was Nemu. "I'd like a butterfly mix, please." she said softly. Her dark eyes glittered, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I nodded. That was a hard drink. I mixed it for her, set it down on the counter and served a few other people. "Shirosaki-kun. How have you been?" Nemu asked me. She was the only person who ever called me by my proper name.

"I've been living, Nemu-san." I answered. Which was strange. I never used honorifics. I'm never just living. I never even talk to Nemu. I rarely talk to any people, save for the other school punks.

Nemu nodded. She hadn't touched her drink, merely twirling her fingers around the rim, watching me. Rukia called her a few hours later, telling her they were leaving. But she stayed at the bar, still watching me. She sipped slowly at her drink, which she wasn't even half way done.

"The bar is closing soon." I remind her. She only nods, watching as I help the others stack chairs on top of tables. She gets up and put her jacket on, leaving her money on the counter. I looked at her retreating form. "Wait!" I called. She stopped at the door. I shoulder my jacket and open the door for her. "It's late. I'll walk you home."

I wonder what had possessed me to say that... Nemu nodded. And we walked slowly through the brisk autumn air.

We stopped outside the door to an apartment building. She stood there, her face flushed from cold. I was about to turn and walk away, but she grabbed my coat color, pressing her lips to mine. I reacted before I thought about it. I combed my hand through her hair, before pulling her away. I've gone crazy.

"Uh...bye..." I told her. She smiled faintly, and waved. I've defiantly gone crazy.

How could I kiss her when...when what? I'm not with anyone. I'm not dating Ichigo, so he shouldn't be in my head.

He shouldn't be in my head, god dammit. I shouldn't be thinking that her lips are soft...and that his would be too.

OWARI

_bleh. Review!_


	3. Chapter 3

TWO SECONDS PASSED LATE

_hee hee! Third chapter. I wonder what's gonna happen._

I curled up on my bed, taking my book out of my bag. I read the title again, before opening it to the first page. It seemed a weird concept, my book. But it was an opinion and I had to give it the respect a person's opinion deserved.

Yeah, right. Fuck that shit. I threw the book to the floor, scoffing at my stupidity. I don't read. And I'm not going to start now.

But Ichigo came to mind. The way he was always reading something, even the bible. He would probably read this too, because it didn't matter what he was reading about, as long as it fed his brain. Hold on! Why am I thinking about Ichigo?! What does it matter to me if he reads?! We're in different worlds. He doesn't live like I do. I don't need to concern myself with him.

I picked the book up again anyway.

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I smiled awkwardly at Nemu when she waved at me. Renji gave me a strange look when he saw us. I shrugged. "She came into the bar last night." of course I left out the kiss. Renji would never let me live it down if he found out I had kissed quiet shy Nemu.

I ditched him quickly, trying to find some place quiet to finish my book. I'd stayed up late last night simply reading it. I wonder why I was so interested. Really, it had no way of connection with me.

Or so I tried to assure myself.

But those thoughts were swept out of my brain as soon as I saw Ichigo again. It was casual wear day. God. Was it even legal to look so hot in pants that tight? He saw me staring at him, and scowled.

"What?! Haven't you seen me before in my other clothes?! Why is everyone looking at me like that?!" I smirked at him. I wanted t say 'it's cause you're just too sexy' but I do have those rare moments when I think about what I say. I shrugged and sat down beside him instead.

"You just have a very different fashion sense than what would be expected." I opened my book, but I still caught his scowl deepening out of the corner of my eyes.

"And what's that supposed to mean?!" I didn't answer, simply started reading again. This had to be one of the weirdest books ever. And right now, reading it, I did feel a bit of a connection.

And that just confused me. Why would I feel any connection to some gay guy writing about his life? Though, it was rather dramatic to see him get into fights to defend his boyfriend. And how he had struggled to deny that he was gay by dating a girl.

Really, I found this book quite awkward. But I was so into it, it was downright creepy. I didn't even notice the bell ring until Ichigo was poking me on the head with an amused smirk on his face.

"Come on you bookworm. Class time." he handed me a book mark. "You shouldn't bend the pages. They'll rip." I examined the blue cloth book mark, with the chinese character for love sewn into it with gold thread.

"What about yours?" he pulled out another book mark from his back pocket, smirking as if I was a silly little child. He noticed the look I gave him.

"I collect them. It's my weird little hobby." he smiled a little, and opened the door for me. Well. I'd just learned something about Ichigo. He collected bookmarks.

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I skipped class again. But for once I skipped for one of my stranger reason. I skipped class so I could read. There have been many times I skipped class for no damn reason, even so I could go cloud watching. But reading? Really, that's just weird.

Is that even healthy?

For the first five minutes, I did read, before I felt the light blue silk book mark Ichigo gave me slide between my fingers.

It made me think. Ichigo gave me part of his collection. Was it because he didn't want me to lose my place, or because he didn't want the book to be ripped? Who cares. It was Ichigo's. It made me feel special. I toyed with the idea to asking him out to a café I knew he would just love.

Before I brutally crushed it.

Have I gone MAD?! I must have. Yes, I have. All this strawberry business has led me to kissing random girls I don't even know, and thinking about spending time in a café.

With a boy.

**READING!**

I've completely lost every level of sanity that's ever existed. My inner ranting was halted by the sound of the door to the roof opening. I looked up from where I sat to see Nemu, standing quietly in the doorway.

"May I join you?" I nodded, in a daze. Her dress looked very good on her. If not a little cold. She sat right beside me, glanced down at the book in my hands and looked back up again. "Your book looks very interesting." she commented. I shrugged. This was so awkward.

A few more moments passed. Nemu was a nice girl, that was obvious. But there's one thing I hate about her. You can never tell what she's thinking.

Before I had any more time to think about what I should say to her, she pulled me down to her, forcing a kiss onto my lips.

How could I say no? I quickly took over, combing my hand through her hair, holding her closer to me. She let my tongue in with no resistance. She was ready for this. Always had been. Her lips were so soft and dry, quickly becoming wet though. And she was eager I could tell, but not impatient.

She's cute, and sweet.

But this was wrong.

I don't know how, because honestly it didn't really matter. If I wanted to be making out with Nemu while I was supposed to be learning chemistry (or reading) I could. But some part of me felt like I was betraying something. Something important to me.

Nemu must of sensed my sudden discomfort, because she pulled away. "Uh..." but she didn't say anything more. Only the occasional glance in my eyes told me she was uncomfortable. I took a deep breath. Nemu was a level headed girl, I'm sure she could take whatever I had to say.

"Look...as confusing as that make out session just was...I... don't really like you that way." Nemu nodded, and flashed me a brief smile.

"I'm here for you if you need it." she told me, kissing me on the cheek.

Really, I feel ashamed of myself.

I just wasted what could have been really great sex. I sighed, staring at the silk book mark. Love. What the hell does that mean anyway?

Isn't that all just a waste of time?

But when I think about my book, and how much he had to sacrifice, just so he could be in love, I wonder if it's all just pain? If physical relationships are all that matters, because it's all that doesn't hurt.

I wonder about it, try to figure out if I could survive without friends and whatever I have left of a family. Then I decide fuck it. I live as I live. I live down.

But all of that only makes me think. Maybe, Ichigo's bookmark had nothing to do with me, or my book. He was simply establishing friendship in a physical manifestation... why am I using such big words?

Why do I care so much about that stupid book mark?! I think about throwing it out, hold my closed fist up to the wind. But stuff it back in my pocket.

OWARI

_review..._


	4. Chapter 4

MY STARS SAY BRAVERY

_mmm. I dunno..._

After mulling it over a little, I decided fuck it. The way I normally did. I would ask Ichigo to go to the café with me.

It wasn't that big of a deal, and when he got there, he had smiled a little. "Great place to sit and think." he'd told me. I only nodded a little, playing with the little blue ribbon on the bookmark. I caught Ichigo looking at me, and we simply stared at each other for a few moments, before Ichigo glance at my fiddling hands. "Ya know...that's actually all the way from canada. My dad got it for me when he went on a business trip." I nodded. Another peice of information to store in my file on Ichigo.

I sipped at my coffee, watching his grow cold as he read the novel that I helped pay for. I brought out 'Falls of Stars, Deaths of Angels'

I mapped out one part in my mind. My favorite part, really. In the middle, he'd questioned if it was alright to be gay, but not alright to force someone into it with him. He'd questioned if he should really date his boyfriend. I skipped back to that part, feeling my heart ache. I glanced at Ichigo.

He'd curled in on himself, sitting comfortably without his shoes on the armchair we'd picked near the door. He looked like he was right at home. And I couldn't help looking at his feet. They were pretty.

What a gross thought...pretty feet...

He caught me looking at him, and stood up suddenly. "I'm...gonna go to the wash room." He walked stiffly to the rest room. I watched after him, my eyebrows raised.

After five minutes I started to wonder whre he'd gone. I was about to get up and go look for him, cuase who knows, maybe he'd been murdered in there. But he came back. When he saw me, he blushed. I wonder what he was thinking, but put it out of my mind. I'd reached an important part of my book. The guy was finally out of highschool, and about to ask a guy he had a crush on out. Though the guy was gay, they'd both be totally ostracized if it ever got out. I was almost hoping for a happy ending.

"Excuse me. Sorry I'm late, may I take your orders now?" I glanced up, along a figure I almost recognized, even though the layers of the strange uniform, to a pale moon like face. Nemu's dark eyes glittered down at me, making me shiver and shift a little farther away subconsciously. Her smile was fake, soft. Everything about her was soft.

Instead of looking at her (cause god I felt so awkward. I knew just how soft she really felt), I scanned the menu hanging on the far wall. Knowing Nemu, she knew how awkward I felt. I told myself it was just coincidence that she was working here. but perhaps I'd noted without even thinking about it that she worked here. Maybe I was interested. Or maybe I should be. Get out of my head Ichigo, get out!

"Could I reccomened the special?" Ichigo smiled up at her and nodded, paying for us both. My brain was shorting and I didn't know what was right anymore. I stuck my nose back in my book, as though the answers to the universe would be revealed to me. And for a second, I thought they were.

The guy told his crush that he loved him. They dated each other for a while. Hooray, right? Until there was a string of hate crimes on homosexuals, of which both his crush and he were victims. They both died. Turns out the book was actually written by his mother, who had originally shunned him when he'd told her about being gay.

I wanted to laugh. What a horrible ending. For a second I thought I felt tears prick at my eyes, before I blinked them away. I wonder what my Kaa-chan would have done if I told her I was gay. Would she have thrown me out? Killed me? Would she even care? Why am I even imagining this? I'm not gay so I don't need to think about it!

Nemu came over with our drinks. Her hands shook under the weight of them. Why had I never noticed how bad her hands looked? They were slim soft pretty hands. But burnt and cut in numerous places. I think it's a crime to ruin hands as pretty as hers. I wonder if she does a lot of cooking or something why she's always burnt.

Those black eyes evaluated me as she caught me looking. She was going to say something when a crash from the back room had her wheeling around, her long black braid swishing behind her as a loud voice called her name in irritation. "Coming, Mayuri-sama!" she waved at me. "I'll come by with the receipt later, Shirosaki-kun, Kurosaki-kun."

I sipped the contents of the bright orange mug. I could tell Nemu had made it herself. It had the feel or her in it. I wonder what Ichigo's would taste like, if he made me coffee. Would it be soft or strong? Yielding or solid? The smell of nutmeg reminded me of Nemu. For a second I thought I heard a screech coming from the backroom, the sound of glass colliding with concrete. And then there was the calm silence of the café again.

By the time I remembered it was time to go, I'd worked my way through three of those special drinks, and the sun was sinking on the horizon. I picked up my stuff, throwing my bag over my shoulder and nudging Ichigo into our world. I think sometimes he forgets there is a world outside of his books.

Nemu stopped me at the door, pulling me away from Ichigo. I was half afraid she was going to kiss me, but she kept sending nervous glances at the backroom's door, as though someone would catch her in some horrible act. She dug into her pocket and handed me a CD. "I recorded this myself. I know you are a very honest person." was she crazy? I was the least honest person I knew. "So I want you to give me your opinion on it." Before I could say anything, there was another crash. "Coming Mayuri-sama!" She graced me with another ghost of a smile. And with a swish of her silky hair (and I knew how silky it was) she was gone.

But I shoved the CD in my pocket. Because she at least deserved that.

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I'd gone to the public library with Ichigo to find some more books. I found myself another dark title. I had no idea what it was about. As usual. I think I find better books when I just randomly pick them up. This was a fiction though and it started out with the Death of the great ancient dragon that held the world on it's shoulders.

How promising.

When I was sure Kaa-chan was safely in bed, I took out the CD. The plastic cover was a little cracked, but the paper inside had been hand drawn. I shoved the CD in a player, lay on my bed and listened to the soft sound of an acoustic guitar take me away. The words of the song were gentle, lax, not at all sad, and just a little hopeful. Nemu's voice whispered daydreams that could put me to sleep peacefully. But her songs were not songs of love, and her voice was not desperate, needy, gripped by uncontrollable feelings. She just sang about daydreams

I think.... Nemu and I have more in common than either of us know.

When I opened the case again to put the CD back in, something was knocked out of the cover. A few slips of paper. Two were tickets to a concert, and the other was a note. _I think you need these more than I do. Friday night, Shirosaki-kun.. 11 pm to 3 am. Enjoy them._

I'd never heard of the band before. But I smiled. Nemu was something else. She was a testament to something brave. Something unique. Something so unbelievable that I'd let her into my life, for even the breifest of seconds, without knowing that she'd change me.

And I liked the way she smelled of Nutmeg.

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The Monday before the concert dawned on me the way a life changing epiphany does. I had to ask Ichigo. I could have gone on and on to myself about how stupid I was being. And I was definitely being stupid. I could have argued with myself. But this is what I wanted. I suppose. I don't know.

But if this strawberry business was going to change me, there was one thing I wouldn't let it change. The way I said fuck it. Why did I have to think so much about it? Who cares about ulterior motives? It was a concert. And I was goin with my friend.

End of discussion.

So why did Nemu's knowing winks make me so uncomfortable? The bitch knew something, I just knew it. She had this all planned. I tried to make myself angry.

But Nemu was Nemu. It was impossible for anyone to stay angry at her for long. She passed me a note in chemistry. It was the most reassuring thing anybody had ever said to me. Which may not have meant much, but still.

_I think I see something good in your future. Work for it, Shirosaki-kun._ There was a little heart beside her name. Nemu didn't seem the type to sign her name with a heart, but it was kinda cute. I glanced over at her. Her glittering eyes were already watching me. She awarded me with the ghost of a smile and pointed at Ichigo who was being yelled at for staying too long in the library.

I think she meant something by that. But I had another idea. I almost smirked at the pure genius of it.

OWARI

_sigh. Was fighting just to get it past the four page mark. Siiiigh. This is what you get when I'm sick. Reveiw please!_


End file.
